Jan 13, 2014

I do not give Him rest

Sometimes it's clear when you look back on a difficult time in your life, to see the good it produced.
Maybe you're like me and you even appreciate the growing pains.
Sure, no one would choose them but I believe it's God's grace that we don't always have that luxury or we would probably stay the same...and for many of us that isn't a good thing.

I was high off the victory only to face another setback that feels like defeat.... I crumbled...quicker and worse than I did the first time.

Didn't I learn anything?

This time I know what to expect, and I know I don't like it...

I need peace, and it's not coming
Where is the peace?
The peace that surpasses all understanding?
I'm casting these cares upon you, I'm giving you these burdens and I am forcing my soul to "bless the Lord"

This isn't going to go my way. And I know that some are dealing with worse and handling it better, but this is what I'm dealt with and for me...it's hard.

how will I respond this time?

I'll persist and bring my burden to you...again and again. I don't give up, because I am strong. Though I loathe my strength and envy the quitters some days, it is a gift.
I pick myself up...quicker and better than I did the first time and I will not give you rest.

And peace will come...the days I cried out for nothing but peace. It felt pointless and it wasn't instant but it did come.
I'm still very much in the thick of this but I'm not alone..

Maybe I did learn something

"This momentary light affliction is working in me, an eternal weight of glory..."

1 comment:

  1. I hear you! Every time we have a little extra money I think I'm going to be wise and take care of things, but then I just end up blowing it and finding myself in the exact same financial place...didn't I learn anything!? It seems like we have to keep learning the same lessons over and over.