Nov 6, 2013

Gratitude in the valley

 photo securedownload_zps07c4694f.jpg
I've thrown around a statement a few times this year, that I can't wait until next year.
As if this year was a waste
But many times I've had this feeling in my gut, this pause, to be thankful for even lyme disease and all the effects it's had on our entire family. That messes with me a little bit...

There were days, before we knew Ben's diagnosis, I would sit in the living room with a blank stare, while the boys ran around the house and I nursed the baby. Life was going on for so many others and mine was completely at a stand still...
This was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, and I was angry that it wasn't.
At first, I refused it all...then slowly I started to break...I envisioned my family of five, squeezing into one bedroom at my parents house. I envisioned selling the truck God had blessed us with just the year before, or myself...with these three kids...doing it alone.
Each time Ben went for an MRI, or testing...I didn't know what to pray for. Do I pray they find something? Or do I pray they don't?

All the while I felt God drawing me...reminding me of the times He carried me through each valley only to come out stronger, better, and understanding of why.
But I wanted to be at the end, the part where I look back and see the bigger picture. I know now, that there is something valuable about going through the valley, accepting you can't do it on your own and surrendering..
And then I realized that during these times in my life where I've felt so alone, it's when He's been closest and I've heard him clearest
He lovingly strips away...so He can get close to me.
Each and every time I start out kicking until I finally admit that I cannot do it on my own...then He does the most beautiful work in my life and I always swear I'd go through it again to know Him the way I know Him now, to have eyes once again opened to see things from His perspective and to live fully satisfied in simply being His.

I am thankful for this year, every up and every down...all gifts

2 comments:

  1. Wasn't able to see the image.

    It's also called maturing. You are seeing life in a more mature way. God wants us to be humble and by humbling us He makes us go through tests. These tests can be quite challenging even unbearable at times. We are just so stubborn sometimes. We want things to always go our way but it really usually doesn't work out that way. In order for things to change we have to be willing to change. To live in His glory.
    I'm glad that Ben is getting better and I hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving and Christmas and that next year will be a fun and healthy year for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a great post. I think when we go through the storms in life that it really is challenging. It's easy to rely on God when all things are going great. I think sometimes we don't see the bigger picture or can't always understand why we are going through what it is in our life at that time. I do know that God knows whats best for us and will never give us anything we can't handle, as well as he is always there. Sometimes I needed to be reminded of that myself.

    I am glad your husband is doing better. God bless and take care :)

    ReplyDelete