Every year I grow but there have been a few seasons of my life where I've felt stripped to the core. Hit rock bottom, rug pulled out from under me as if God was shaking me and trying to wake me up to see something.
I got it. I see it. At first I tried to run, kick and flail until finally...finally I surrendered and opened my eyes
Like what if this life He gave me was good enough?
What if I was okay with myself after having three kids in four years...instead of miserably failing at trying to be some thin thing God never designed me to be?
What if my house will never be as clean as yours, and our cars are older and my clothes don't have sewn on labels that make them cost more?
What if a beautiful september day spent with my husband and children, picking up pine cones and putting the baby in a swing for her first time was the best birthday I've ever had?
What if what God gave me looks different than what God gave you and what if we were all just thankful because He knows what gifts to give His kids?
Can I not have what you have and you not have what I have...and can we still give thanks anyway?
I'm starting to think I've been missing it all along...
Contentment...it's kind of a taboo thing for me. I used to be fearful of being content, losing that sense of urgency or blinded by some false peace. Wool over the eyes. But the last few years I've been restless. Completely detoured and striving for nothing...
But after seeing your husband struggle with his health for months, with no diagnosis. Realizing that after this day the paychecks will stop coming, buying life insurance and "getting things in order" just in case. It changes you and suddenly life gets put back into perspective and you cling..you cling to Him because you realize the things you've been clinging to wont do you any good at this point....and really they never have.
I look around and I give thanks for today
today is good
our needs are met and I am.... content