(17 year old me)
It's 7:45 and my little ones are sound sleep. I can still smell the lotion on my hands, that I put on them after their bath this evening. I see trains under the couch from where I'm sitting, dinner didn't get cleaned up but for now, it can wait.
This isn't always easy. I wonder how I portray myself on this blog. Does it seem like I have it all together?
They fight more than they get along. They break just about everything. Sometimes I can't even remember why Kingston is in timeout for the tenth time that day. I try and remain positive, because I have discovered so much heartache and loss throughout this blogging community, and hear time and time again that some people would give anything to hear their children bickering if it meant they were still with them.
It is something I struggle with though. I get it wrong a lot. I get overwhelmed easily but I get up the next day and start over...
But it doesn't mean it isn't...difficult
I don't think we have to pretend it isn't
So I look to Him for the approval...
He saw the research I did and how I sought Him regarding all those hot button mom issues. He remembers my prayers for wisdom. He sees me on my hands and knees cleaning those spills. He sees me giving up my lunch because Weston dropped his on the ground. He sees the way I look at myself in the mirror and miss the way I used to be.
A lot of dreams, desires and things I do are never noticed or appreciated by my kids...but He knows them and they are not forgotten.
It's kind of what this whole thing is about though....motherhood.
The bible says their is no greater love than laying down your life for another.
With mothers day coming up, I feel honored to be apart of it. To have two little boys who call me "mommy". Even though it's hard, there is so much good. There are tiny little laughs, first words and sweet slobbery kisses. Cute little noses and baby feet. Getting to experience life with them. They are my world and what I live for and I'm confident that I love them well.
I'm thankful that they are so forgiving, that God entrusted them to me and that He gives me the grace I need each and every day to keep going.
sharing my heart here