May 9, 2012

mommy

(17 year old me)

It's 7:45 and my little ones are sound sleep. I can still smell the lotion on my hands, that I put on them after their bath this evening. I see trains under the couch from where I'm sitting, dinner didn't get cleaned up but for now, it can wait.

This isn't always easy. I wonder how I portray myself on this blog. Does it seem like I have it all together?

Hardly... 

They fight more than they get along. They break just about everything. Sometimes I can't even remember why Kingston is in timeout for the tenth time that day. I try and remain positive, because I have discovered so much heartache and loss throughout this blogging community, and hear time and time again that some people would give anything to hear their children bickering if it meant they were still with them.
It is something I struggle with though. I get it wrong a lot. I get overwhelmed easily but I get up the next day and start over...

But it doesn't mean it isn't...difficult 
I don't think we have to pretend it isn't

It seems like no matter how you handle things, your doing it wrong. If you never complain and choose to keep a positive outlook, then your fake. If you vent about your morning sickness, then you risk crushing someone who just had a miscarriage. No matter how you parent, someone will judge.

So I look to Him for the approval...

He saw the research I did and how I sought Him regarding all those hot button mom issues. He remembers my prayers for wisdom. He sees me on my hands and knees cleaning those spills. He sees me giving up my lunch because Weston dropped his on the ground. He sees the way I look at myself in the mirror and miss the way I used to be. 
A lot of dreams, desires and things I do are never noticed or appreciated by my kids...but He knows them and they are not forgotten.


It's kind of what this whole thing is about though....motherhood. 
The bible says their is no greater love than laying down your life for another.

With mothers day coming up, I feel honored to be apart of it. To have two little boys who call me "mommy". Even though it's hard, there is so much good. There are tiny little laughs, first words and sweet slobbery kisses. Cute little noses and baby feet. Getting to experience life with them. They are my world and what I live for and I'm confident that I love them well.

I'm thankful that they are so forgiving, that God entrusted them to me and that He gives me the grace I need each and every day to keep going.

sharing my heart here

21 comments:

  1. So pretty- your words and you. Thanks for sharing your heart.

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  2. I think you're a great momma! Love this post! Happy {early} Mother's Day!

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  3. I so agree with your thoughts and feelings here. Great post.

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  4. Hi Lesley,
    Great post. And don't worry, NONE of us have it all together. Some may choose to only concentrate on the good, that's their choice. Thank goodness we can all make the choices we want. Just remember, this is YOUR blog so you have every right to express yourself however you want. Don't let those joy suckers make you feel bad for what you've written. That's what makes you YOU and I like you :) ... so do a lot of other women. May you have the sweetest Mother's Day yet. Take care. Blessings to you and your family.

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  5. Awesome post!! Thanks for sharing!! Grace is right, no one has it all together, but that's ok! It's how we deal with the challenges that shape us!! Love your blog :)

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  6. I remember that photo on Myspace! Haha! Really, though, you were gorgeous then and gorgeous now. :) While people try to portray themselves how they want to be perceived online, I always find the best blogs to be the ones that are honest with transparency and vulnerability. I think it is fine to vent as along as you remain balanced. And even if you feel like you aren't always doing it "right" as a parent, you're still an awesome mom. No one is perfect and some questions or challenges don't have a clear answer or solution. We learn and move on, trying to find a better solution or reaction next time.

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    1. I'm also drawn to blogs and people who keep it real and who I can relate with :) I really try and remain balanced on here.

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  7. I LOVE reading your blog. great post. :) ~ Christy J.

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  8. And I do want to say, as a woman that has miscarried, I did struggle hearing moms vent about their frustrations with raising kids, because all I could think of was my OWN perspective: 'just be grateful God gave them to you.' But ya know, I eventually was able to remind myself that EVERY season - with kids or without - can be very painful and frustrating - and we should all extend grace and understanding when needed, and rejoice when other women rejoice. :) and I know, that whenever I am able to have a child, I will have the SAME vents. :) haha. I think you handle yourself well on your blog - and your grace, sensitivity and honesty is a blessing to your readers. :)

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    1. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know first hand how hard and confusing it is. I actually would have been due any dow now, had I not miscarried in september. I'm glad that you are able to see things from both perspectives. I feel that going through it myself, I'm also able to relate on both ends.

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  9. I think we have the same life some days... Time outs, breaks to the bedroom, stepping over babies having melt downs. I always worry what people think of my blogging....and parenting now that I think about it... I guess I just always remind myself I am doing the best I can and that's all we can ever do.
    You are one of the bloggers I wish lived on my block... We could talk kids and drink coffee....
    Your blog is great. :)
    Ashley

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    1. I know your right, and I bet we would get along great :)

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  10. I know what you mean about sometimes feeling like it's never right. If I don't complain then, yes, I must be fake, if I am not tired then I must not be getting up with the baby and so on. Someone always finds fault no matter what so best to live your life the way you see fit. :)

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  11. Lovely words straight from the heart :)
    New follower from Casey Wiegand's link up. Happy I found you :)

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  12. Oh Lesley, this is just beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes. I love your take on motherhood and how you said God entrusted you with them. I often forget that in the moments when I think I'm doing everything wrong.

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