Apr 28, 2012

Can I do this?

It's not really a secret. I've talked about expanding our family this year, how I've been up and down about it. We know we want more, and we know we want to be out of this season with littles all together instead of having to start over once the boys are a bit older. I will more than likely go back to work at some point and want doing ministry to be a little easier, and so it makes sense to stick with our original plan for this year.

But on thursday I got a really good glimpse of what 9 months of my life could look like. And it scared me to death. When I got that migraine, which led to nausea and dizziness and vomiting, I remembered what those first 3 4 months are like for me. How extremely guilty I felt putting tv on for Kingston so much so I could lay on the couch. How useless I was and how much crap he probably ate since I couldn't prepare meals.

Reading this post didn't help, but it is true. *sigh*

I don't worry about life with 3, I don't worry about being able to love another or care for them. The age gap is fine, the finances are fine. I just don't know if I'll ever be prepared to go through what I go through while pregnant, but waiting wouldn't really make a difference. It's the only thing that makes me hesitate, that and the fear of miscarriage. But I'm hanging on to His word for our family, so I know it will be okay.

We do make cute babies though, so it is totally worth it :)


9 comments:

  1. You do make so e cute babies! I don't have any kids, but my husband and i talk about it for the future, and it's hard to ever decide you're ready and it's the right time.

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  2. That first trimester can be rough, especially with migraines. I remember being so excited when I could take Excedrin again after I stopped breastfeeding. I think, though, that your boys won't really be impacted overall by a few months of a less-than-best diet and more tv than usual. :) It is so difficult to finally go ahead and take the plunge, no matter how ready you feel. Best of luck either way!

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  3. Must be tough to face that. But you're so right. God gives strength in weakness :) My mom has sometimes said that pregnancy was the time she most felt the power of God first hand, just because she was so dependent on Him.

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  4. So true, you make the cutest babies :)

    I've been thinking about pregnancy a lot lately too. As much as I want another baby, I am scared about the pregnancy and birth. I am scared of being sick all the time and not being able to be there for E. There is so much to worry and think about when adding to a family. I'm just trying to do the same as you, and let God tell us when the time is right.

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  5. Just trust your instincts... I kind of think the more the merrier - but different things work for different people :)


    I am excited to follow your blog!

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  6. Morning sickness is always very rough for me :( With Taylor I was throwing up every day just about non stop from 6 to 13 weeks. With Ryder it wasn't as bad, but I was was sick like the flu for those same weeks. And I too let Taylor watch way to much tv,(which has led to her LOVING the tv now) and I wasn't much help with anything at all either pregnancy. This time, with 2 running around, it was worse. BUT it only lasted a few weeks, 5 to 13-14 weeks. And I just kept telling my self it will be over soon. And it was. It just took getting through those few rough weeks and throwing up and everything else that comes with it. And I look at how much fun the kids have together, how much they love each other, and how much I love them. Yeah, morning sickness is horrible, but its only a very short phase in your life(and theirs!) and then you have that wonderful little baby to add to the family. Thats how I have always looked at it. David was afraid of getting pregnant again after Taylor because the morning sickness was horrible. But I knew in my heart we needed another! And now I couldn't imagine life with out Ryder :) Just pray, and leave it all up to Him. I've always done this when it came to the kids and anything really. He will lead you in the right path and everything will work out. & Yes, you all do make very cute kids :)

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  7. You do make cute babies!! It's hard to take that plunge again. We want a big family so I know that we need to start thinking about it too...but knowing I have three already depending on me, scares me too! Thankfully God's in charge, right? Praying that you guys figure it out!
    xo,
    Kristina

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