Jan 3, 2012

Let Him

This time last year, Weston was just 6 weeks old. The holidays were over, family had left town and the worry that I might be dealing with post partum depression started to sink in. If you've ever dealt with this, than you know the overwhelming feelings that go along with it, and the guilt...oh the guilt.. that you feel when you can't connect with your kids the way you know you should want to.

Depressions has always been something I've lived with. But most times I could pray through it, get myself out of the house, or try and focus on something that made me happy and feel okay. 
When I saw that I had two perfectly healthy children, a wonderful husband and so many blessings all around me and still couldn't see a reason for living, I knew that something else was going on.

I think by the middle of summer this year, I finally felt I had overcome it. I was happy, even when I was at home with a messy house and screaming kids. Even when friends hurt me or family didn't come through. I was able to see the good things in my life.
I still have those days here and there that I feel it weighing over me. This weekend was like that. Ben was home for another long weekend. All the feelings from the week before that had gotten me down, all the lies I had given the time of day, I let it all out to him.

His advice to me was really simple. He said whenever I feel like this, when life is just too much and I don't know what to do, I need to just lean back into the Father's love for me. 

I knew what he meant and I knew that part of my life really had been lacking. 

Today I decided to let Him speak truth to me. Let Him carry the burdens. Let Him be that friend my heart so desperately wants. Every void I feel in my heart, He can fill it, if I just let Him.

His Love never fails me








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9 comments:

  1. I think every stay-at-home mom deals with this at some point. Some days are just hard. You aren't alone!! I have felt the Lord really hold me close lately- it makes life so much better when we allow Him to help us

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  2. i have dealt with depression too, through out my life. i have bad days/weeks. but i always pray through the hard times. HE is what gets me though too! :)

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  3. I had PPD with Lyla and I didn't really talk to anyone about it except my dr. I knew my family wouldn't get it and Lyla's bio dad wouldn't. And guess what? My dr told me almost the same thing that Ben told you. It's such great advice.

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  4. this was so beautiful. thanks for sharing. :)

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  5. this was so vulnerable and beautiful, thanks for sharing..im so glad to be new friends with you. This was a beautiful reminder of going back to what i KNOW: His love. and I have to tell you, the last picture there with your Bible and the toys in the background is amazing - It will be in my mind as a picture of what should be in the FOREFRONT of my day to day. Blessings friend!!

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  6. This was a beautiful, open post. I am sure other mamas who are in need of encouragement with this area of life will be truly touched.

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  7. Thanks for being so open and honest. So many people (myself included), struggle with this sometimes. And leaning on the Lord is the best thing you can do. He can carry you through anything. God bless and Happy New Year!

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  8. Amen! May you find shelter in His wings.
    Blessings & love to you-
    xo
    Andee

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  9. I have suffered off and on witj depression too for about 8 years
    Kudos to you for speaking of it, not easy to do.

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