This time last year, Weston was just 6 weeks old. The holidays were over, family had left town and the worry that I might be dealing with post partum depression started to sink in. If you've ever dealt with this, than you know the overwhelming feelings that go along with it, and the guilt...oh the guilt.. that you feel when you can't connect with your kids the way you know you should want to.
Depressions has always been something I've lived with. But most times I could pray through it, get myself out of the house, or try and focus on something that made me happy and feel okay.
When I saw that I had two perfectly healthy children, a wonderful husband and so many blessings all around me and still couldn't see a reason for living, I knew that something else was going on.
I think by the middle of summer this year, I finally felt I had overcome it. I was happy, even when I was at home with a messy house and screaming kids. Even when friends hurt me or family didn't come through. I was able to see the good things in my life.
I still have those days here and there that I feel it weighing over me. This weekend was like that. Ben was home for another long weekend. All the feelings from the week before that had gotten me down, all the lies I had given the time of day, I let it all out to him.
His advice to me was really simple. He said whenever I feel like this, when life is just too much and I don't know what to do, I need to just lean back into the Father's love for me.
I knew what he meant and I knew that part of my life really had been lacking.
Today I decided to let Him speak truth to me. Let Him carry the burdens. Let Him be that friend my heart so desperately wants. Every void I feel in my heart, He can fill it, if I just let Him.
His Love never fails me