Funny how things changed for me, when I became a mother...how differently I viewed the world. There are days that I feel like I'm good at this. Days where we all get along. There are extra hugs and smiles and the house might have even gotten some attention.
But then, there are times when fear sets in.
Things are pretty easy now that they are little, but what about when they are older? I worry about the schools they'll go to. The pressure they'll be under. Are Ben and I good enough examples? Do we allow too much into our home? I watch them sleep sometimes, and these thoughts go through my head.
What kind of man will this little boy grow up to be?
It's terrifying knowing that some things are out of your hands. That you wont be able to protect them from everything. Some day they'll have to make choices.
The ones you hear about on the news..the ones hurting others, addicted, homeless, abused....thats someone's baby. That person is God's dream.
I don't know why prayers aren't always answered.. but praying to a God that is bigger than all of this, gives me comfort. I place these babies in His hands, because I know that ultimately... they belong to Him. He cares for them far greater than I ever could.
We can't force them, and we can't choose it for them. But we can lead by example the best we know how. We can give them all the resources possible. provide a home that honors God. Take them to church and show them how to pray and worship. Discipline them. Read the word to them. Teach them how to give and bless others...be consistent and intentional.
I pray that God would set them apart. Maybe they will be considered "sheltered". But I've never understood why thats a bad thing. I pray that God will guard their innocence. I don't care if my kids don't know what the latest movie or pop star is. I don't and I don't feel deprived. I pray that they would desire relationship with Him. The one who will never fail them.
I pray they want more than acceptance from friends and peers.
I pray they want more than the american dream.
And I hope it's enough.